do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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