i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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