there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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