If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
