Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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