Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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