There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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