This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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