I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
