i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
