Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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