After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
