I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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