Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
