Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
