My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So much rum. So many feels.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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