we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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