dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
