How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
