If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
