went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
