TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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