Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
