Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
