Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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