here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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