apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
