Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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