I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
