thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
