He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
