2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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