She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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