she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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