Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
