i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
