I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
