It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
