Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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