you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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