woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They took my balls.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
