So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
