:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
