I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
