Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
