he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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