walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
