Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
