a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
