I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
