What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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